If Only.....!

We shall fall in love today....if only its love!

For past is not to be remembered and for future so unknown....

For you never know I will be pulled away.....why repent later?

That I could never say...what it was to fall in love and feel loved by you!

But today...I could not recall a surprise from you! Our last date or a carefree smile!

For I wanted that all, for no reason...but for us being together...these are all the celebrations.....!

I feel the little moments are real treasure......what we call a carefree leisure!

You believe in building future and I am afraid we are loosing today! I am scared of your fears....though I know you think of future and of me!

I count my days to spend with thee... Life is unpredictable and I might flee!

For now I hope you agree that, If only it is to live....

Life is to love and to smile.....So! Again I say, We shall fall in love today!

Circle of Growth & Change!

I am a little lost….

For they have changed the roads I traveled!

I am a little lost….

For I can go back never!

I am a little happy….

Because I have saved some hope!

I am a little tense…..

For more loss of sense!

I am a little of me….

And a lot of me am lost for no better!

I am a little shy….

For I know there are no answers to my whys?

I am a lot more…..

But most of me am lost forever!

I am my Dad’s little girl……

What pity! I am a grown up what for that matter!

Dream Deadlock!

I believe in dreams. I always believed in dreams. Now-a-days I am struggling to keep them alive.

The life circumstances have been changing so that I am becoming nervous about my dreams. When I look back I realize, that I am struggling with a situation which is somewhat like - I dream, I plan and I resist. It’s like a struggle between dreams, wishes, aspirations and ambitions. Nothing is permanent and nothing will stay forever but we don’t stop working towards dream. There is conflict between my dreams-wishes and my ambitions-aspirations.

At times I am unhealthy and at times I am negative. There are two things attached to this statement. A bad health results in a step back from my ambitions-aspirations and the negativity disheartens me about my dreams. The continuity of both is resulting into a deadlock. There is lot of uncertainty about life and I am becoming cautious of my dreams I was certain of. There is war in my mind; not of right & wrong but of, this & that. I am fighting hard with my priorities and those of theirs. I am entering a Dreams Deadlock!

Nothing is stopping me but the circumstances. There is no hindrance but the expectations. There shall be no delays but I have lost the direction.

This is called Life and so far I am a die-hard optimist, fighting for the key to this deadlock of dreams. And here I would like to write those two lines which were momentary and still have so much of truth & depth – “Positivism resides in me, that’s why I am alive. But, I reside in negativity that’s why I am dying every moment”

This Sudden Loss of Appetite

This Sudden Loss of Appetite

Recently, I have noticed a sudden loss of appetite for my dreams and for my aspirations. A sense of distraction protecting me from what I once used to call Career, Challenges, Ambition. I have been so dragged in the customs & obligations pertaining to the society that I am finally becoming a part of it. A loss of spirits, of undertsanding & making people understand. My expectations have turned towards my loved ones, I seek empathy, compassion, an ear to listen and a heart - willing to understand. Once I wanted to stand strong in the winds and here I am waving in the fear of winds.

I looked for, I tried and I got - the opportunities.
I seeked, I asked, I begged for - the support.
I avoided, I ran, I couldn't escape - the transition.
I fell, I stood, I stand, I want to emerge - the Identity.
I crave, I did, I won, I lost - My Appetite to Dream.
I cry, I weep, I console - the Heart.
I shut, I open, I avoid - the Eyes

Life - A Vicious Circle

Life – A Vicious Circle!!!

We all have heard this, we live just one life. And that’s the chance to make the most of it.

At times it’s beautiful, at times it’s not.

At times, it’s the way it is and at times it’s adjust (ment).

At times it’s about me, at times it’s us. At times it’s about love, at times it’s just.

At times its everything, at times its must.

At times we seek more of it, at times it rusts.

At times it’s more smiles, at times its mad rush.

At times its what we want, at times its we have.

At times its what we say, at times its keeping mum.

At times its you only, at times we are lonely.

At times its being in love, at times it’s a tied dove.

At times its a lesson, at times it's frustration.

At times its what we gain, at times its my loss.

At times its about ambitions, at times its dreams.

At times we call it life, at times a Vicious Circle!

A Dogmatic COO

Recently got to witness, what an SME’s COO, the Chief Operations Officer had to say to his employees. A small venture started by just 2 people, came to a team of 25 now…..in some 8-9 years. Commendable! I would say.

But what I doubt is their illogical mindset and pre-conceived opinions. Having ideals is good, I agree but one must get to understand the success path followed the making of that hero, the struggle & strategy. Yes, we have the examples like Mr.Dhirubhai Ambani, Mr.Bill Gates, Mr.Sachin Tendulkar etc, but these are again exceptions. One percent of the lot and not to forget that they made it big, but they couldn’t run it all alone. They believe in management principles, they believe in delegation, they believe in strategy and they believe in the word ‘We’ and not just ‘I’. Our venerate COO, unfortunately couldn’t use the word ‘we’, though he demanded again & again, that his employees should carry a part of him, should leave a footprint like him, wherever they go. The problem here is not expecting too much but what amazed me, asking too much so straight without a pinch of modesty was little too much to digest. Coming to his people skills now, he once mentioned to the team, ‘there shall be no second thoughts on what he thinks, he feels about the work, the business, the leaves etc.

At times, I feel I should plainly ignore the facts stated above, but somehow I am so disturbed after listening to all this. It feels like the helplessness at the cost of he being the owner, the runner & the boss. People must be sitting with the attitude to listen & forget, some even mentioned that we just went out, we ignored, and we weren’t with him. He sounded like a hypocrite & dominating union leader but of course not a manager, not a leader. Yes, I appreciate him thinking big, but one more thing which is more disturbing is the ever seen Myopic business mind. Dreaming big is different from planning big. Or I should say that dreaming big is not enough if you have no people skills or if you deny respecting the people working for your firm just because you are the Boss. It’s terrible!

Not talking much about this anymore, few more (disturbing) things I would like my readers to comment on are:

1. Do you agree that the Business Volumes is the only difference between a Big & Small Organization?
2. Team spirit is carrying the boss’/ head reflection in each employee?
3. As a working professional, for growth all a person needs is to compare himself/herself with oneself. (Something I remember was termed Peer Group)
4. A rocksolid professional is one who never complains & gives reasons like a family problem, an accident etc.
5. Who believes in leading by treading on the ego of his employees?

Why have I mentioned all this here on my space? Because I want to know your opinion and confirm that if education really makes a difference or it’s just that I am too sensitive!!!

Not Shattered but Inquisitive

God is gracious! May be that’s the reason that I don’t feel shattered but yes, I do feel sad, defoliated at times and inquisitive at the end of the day. At times, things happen to us which are unexpected, undeserved and more to that, they become unavoidable as well. At times when we do things with all good intentions and the perceptions differ and it’s suddenly disqualified from the purpose, without a reason being given, even without a chance for explanation, this abrupt end to the effort fetches a sudden exhaustion. And the mind goes blank, the sight dark and a lost spark. And by the times, we console ourselves of the unnecessary distress; we are left with some inquisition. Why me?

Then there is a feel of defeat, a defeat to life, when we try to be happy by all means, in all times, through all riddles & obstacles, when we break our own promises to ourselves to be happy and cheerful; come what may! It happens, disagreement is one reason, anger in another. Showing anger is not appreciated but keeping anger again causes shattered feelings. When you know you feel awkward but you can’t express, when you are not convinced with what you do but you can’t deny, when you know you could have changed things but you know you won’t do.

All these things………are not negative in thought, unobvious to understand, these are the obvious feelings we all come across at the obvious times of life for may be some unobvious reasons. This could be at home, at work, with friends, colleagues, even in the family…..!

All I pray to God is to give us the patience, the strength & the willpower to excel.

Keep Smiling!! Have a courageous 2009 :-)