The Culture, Contempt & Helplessness

Yesterday a quick interaction with a friend made me think hard on our discussion. I was at work, I met the deadlines and finished my days work but at the back of my mind these thoughts were on like the background music score. I had decided that I am going to blog it, once I reach home. And then from last 2-3 hours, I was thinking for the apt title, it has got to convey the message or at least trigger the visitor to read and react to it. Because its everywhere, we have all faced it but just ignored it, may be!

We were just talking about a usual boss-colleague interaction and suddenly my friend

R said: “He was flirting, girl”

Response: Let him flirt then, how it affects me

R: But tell me, does it happens with all girls out there?

Response: Depends if the boss is like that, you get to realize that he/she is flirting

R: But I sometimes wonder, in sometime even I will marry a girl who will be a working professional by all ways, will she be facing the similar things? I wonder….huh

Response: Well might be, but that’s completely fine till the girl can handle such things, stays dignified and confident. I think nothing can go wrong that ways. And in extreme cases, one always chooses to quit.

R: But you know, we men especially Indians, know about the world out there, and feel helpless at times. Basically we want to protect our partner from all such things but then why to take the liberty to work from someone who is not at all wrong.

Response: Till the time one is confident about his/her partner, I don’t see a reason to feel contempt about this, because else one will have to change the world which is not as easy as said.

Well, on this note…….we could reach on a conclusion that what we are discussing exists, needs to be corrected or not – I am not so sure about that, but there is absolutely no need to feel helpless about it. I realized that it’s our culture and the values, we have grown up with, the contempt because we would love to be righteous which we know is practically not feasible and helplessness, because we let our self feel helpless for the entire thing, despite knowing the fact that we shall not let this affect us.

I don’t know if I have conveyed the concern rightly but it kept on hovering over my head, that if it is actually a feeling that raise contempt in the minds of Indian men. I don’t see any such thing, because its everywhere. And I believe a girl who takes a stand to move out in that world is well aware, careful and all set.

As for those who feel contempt and helpless, I have a saying I took from R only,

“We cannot direct the wind... but we can adjust the sails.” And I am wondering, we can try to fight them at least!!!

TAGGED OnCe AgAiN :-|

TAGGED - By VS again!!!
This is the Immediate Response to the Tag VS, I hope no complaints now!!

The extra mug of beer....
Na na na na re re.......

The weather here:
Dekho zara dekho boondon ki ladi.....

Waiting for someone:
Nahi saamne ye alag baat hai...
Mere paas hai tu....mere paas hai...
Mere saath hai!!

Life:
Jaane kya dhoondta hai ye mera dil.......tujhko kya chahiye zindagi!!

Just for you:
Koi kahe kehta rahe...kitna bhi humko deewana

Love of my life:
Kabhi neem- neem, kabhi shahad shahad......

Me and O3:
Hans ke tu dekh to ek baar....khud hi aa jayegi bahar!!

Main aur meri tanhayii:
Tanha dil...tanha safar, dhoonde tujhe phir kyun nazar

Some Plans:
Chand taare tod lauun......

My Scooty:(Gaddi)
I walk a lonely road..thats the only main I walk alone!!

This second mug of beer :
No ways!!!

Right now:
So ja....so ja chandni, chand sitare so gaye!!!
Arey bhai........kal office jana hai!!!

Obsolete Dreams.

I am sure you are wondering about the dreams and how they could be obsolete? But its not just a thought, actually this is something which is been hovering over my head from quite few days. Dreams do become obsolete as life grows faster then us.

Yes, this could be said that it’s the impact of few negative thoughts but then it’s a practical truth as well. Agreed or not?

Many a times life introduces such curves and cuts, that one has to take up a different direction. I still deny the death of a dream. Dreams never die; they simply become obsolete. Life keeps on growing at its pace and we grow with life. And this growth makes us leave our dreams and live as per the hour. Time is bigger then everything – I used to argue on this but recently certain incidents made me believe this. One more reason could be change is priorities of life. Now this could be on account of marriage, a death in a family, an illness, an accident, an unexpected responsibility etc. Sometimes it’s just an incident, an observation which changes the way one thinks and that too can leave certain obsolete dreams.

I always used to tell my friends, you never know. And that truly stands right. But dreams give us hope and make the chase interesting, so one should not stop dreaming. But then yes, dreams turn obsolete. I firmly believe that. They don’t die they become obsolete. The end of one dream make you live for another. Chase should always be there or theirs will be just dreams. The Obsolete Dreams.

Change....The only Constant!!!

Change..........is the only thing constant. I am sure you know this but still I felt like writing about this. May be how and when I realised this made a difference to me. Anyways being a taurean..... I dont like changes at all. Being a true taurean I get adapted to them. What I was thinking is this......that no matter how much we are in love with things, with people, with circumstances.....they are ought to change......because thats the only constant. It might be a contradictory thing to say but it happens. And sometimes changes are expected ones but most of the times they are unexpected and sudden. But being so much into the routine life............no one prefers them......because we become used to of our scheduled mechanized life and suddenly the system need change, the technology (present life) becomes obsolete and presses us to move on...........leaving the existing one aside..........I dont have anything specific in my mind as of now but there had been many such instances that made me realise....that change is one thing which can happen anytime with anybody........so we should learn to adapt to them instead of panic. It can be the little one like change in plans of a meeting, change in holiday plans, movie of anything like that.........it can be change in the technology...........or system.........anything but most of the times.................its disturbing and even if it is not we take it that way................and later we realise the actual effect...................good or bad......!!!!!!
It happens naturally also............and sometimes by choice. I have seen people adapting themselves thinking that its for better but actually their innerself never agrees to that. Sometimes its about people......thats very complicated because its easy to adapt to new machines thats materialistic......... but change in people and change in circumstances need inner strength to cope with and overcome. Your brain says that things are changed and you need to move on with them but your heart doesnt allows so..........and thats when the conflict comes......but whatever is the case that will happen what is ought to.....and fighting with innerself and increasing troubles will cause harm to oneself only so the faster we understand and introspect the easier it becomes.......because when the change happens in our life we prefer not to discuss anyways it doesnt makes a difference to others because its us who are effected.....so introspection and understanding is the key to adaptation and then we know that Life moves on.........and the show must go on.......!!!!

30 ka Chakkar from Chakks...

This tag came up from dear Chakoli... and so here goes my answers...

1)LAST MOVIE U SAW IN A THEATRE?

Taare Zameen Par…

2)WHAT BOOK ARE U READING?

The Kite Runner - Khalid Hosseini

3)FAVOURITE BOARD GAME?

Not much into games.....

4)FAVOURITE MAGAZINE?

No favorites as such… but I do read Femina, Retailer, 4Ps etc

5)FAVOURITE SMELLS?

- wet earth during the rains

- Sometimes the smell of paints , enamel

- When my mom cooks food.....

- Smell of Johnson & Johnson moisturizer

6)FAVOURITE SOUNDS?

Sound of teeming when it rains…

7)WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?

Fear of loss.....emotional/materialistic ............any

8)WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN U WAKE?

Action Plan......so that I reach office @ time

9)FAVOURITE FASTFOOD PLACE?

Pizza HUT…Pizza Hut & PIZZA HUT ;-)

10)FUTURE CHILDS NAME?

Thats for future......

11)FINISH THIS STATEMENT---'IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY I'D'

I would love to live the dreams which look difficult otherwise

12)DO U DRIVE FAST?

I am planning to learn driving..........hehe

13)DO U SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?

No

14)STORMS--COOL OR SCARY?

Situational

15)WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?

My dad had bought a Fiat, I remember!!

16)FAVOURITE DRINK?

Coffee

17)FINISH THIS STATEMENT-IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD

...love to travel more with my family….

18)DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI?

Nopes

19)IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY OTHER COLOUR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?

Have tried 4 of them.........natural is better otherwise Copper Brown!!

20)NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS U HAVE LIVED IN?

Bikaner, Delhi, Bangalore, Mumbai, Jalandhar, Chandigarh

21)FAVOURITE SPORTS TO WATCH?

Cricket

22)ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?

About Chaks........Blogger gang ki jaan hai!!

23)WHATS UNDER YOUR BED?

Nothing.....just a clean floor.

24)WOULD U LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN??

Surely, a little more stronger though

25)MORNING PERSON OR NIGHT OWL?

Night Owl

26)OVER EASY OR SUNNY SIDE UP?

More of over easy I guess

27)FAVOURITE PLACE TO RELAX?

Home sweet home…

28)FAVOURITE PIE?

French Apple Pie....I miss the one @ Corner House

29)FAVOURITE ICECREAM FLAVOUR?

Choclate, Black Current or Tootie-Frootie

30)OF ALL THE PEOPLE U HAVE TAGGED, WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?

Almost everyone has taken the tag…

But still I would like the following to take it up:

- Suddentwilight
- Ellen
- Shoooonya
- Manoj
- Lust4life

Life is short, let's not get angry!!

For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Have been pondering since morning, that most of the times it’s our ‘Good Intentions’ that put us into unnecessary problems. Well, most of the times they do. The bad temper is of course the reason of not being able to convey the right thoughts in right approach at the right moment.

Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.”
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter quotes

When you think of good, ought to take a right step, suddenly something irritates you and the good become a thing of past. Emotions overflow (read: explode) and here you are, already a culprit. No matter, what your intentions were. Your anger made you lost the beauty of that moment, that hour, that evening, that day or may be more. And we end up loosing the opportunity to smile, to laugh, to hug and some moments to cherish, may be.

I have been coming across many presentations, articles and discussions on Anger Management but then do they really help us in someway? I was thinking that any therapy of this kind is more mental then medicinal. If one thinks one can control oneself, he/she surely can. But when one doesn’t even try to understand and denies listening to the other person the problem increases. People get angry on petty differences of opinion, view, choices etc.

When anger rises, think of the consequences”
- Confucius

Worst is when that a situation is stretched and stretched for a longer time period. We forget to realize that, to show 1 minute of anger we are loosing 60 seconds of happiness. And this 2 digit number makes a better impact. Anger is also a cause of stress, high blood pressure etc which again gives more moments of panic and suffering. Where as, if we plan to sort out the differences in the soonest possible time and get ready for more smiles, life will be easier. All one needs is acceptance & patience.

“Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten.”
- Buddha

Nothing is serious!!!!

Life a bed of roses. Having read a post by Ellen today morning, I have been wondering that Life is a bed of roses.

Did you say - not always??? Well it is indeed.

I liked saying that, as it leave me with a positive note. And otherwise also I hate myself for being negative at times when Life pushes me too much.
Life is a bed of roses. Only the color of roses keep changing. Remember, Roses are in white, pink, yellow, orange and red color. But don’t you miss the Black Rose. Similarly, life has got different colors and the situations & circumstances keep on giving it one and another shade thereafter. And then roses have horns too. That could be taken as a life’s decision to push one so hard that ultimately one bleeds.

I remember a brief conversation here, when I had asked about the well being of a friend and since its so recent, that my thoughts flew in that very direction when I pondered about Life & Roses.

Me: Hey how are you? You look sad. Is everything fine. I hope nothing is serious.
Friend: nothing serious......its just a change which is sometimes undesirable, expectations unmet and some general things giving a feeling of disrespect to myself, sometimes a little guilt and sometimes too many tears in my eyes confuse me about my existence.
But don’t you worry. Nothing is serious.

Now I am not worried, its just that I could not reach to an answer as to, how a rock solid person like my friend could end up fighting tears. A person so strong, tough headed, so learnt from life not to get welled up easily and now struggling to fight her own tears. This raises a question to me. Even though, I am told that she is determined to be happy (she says determined, not destined) I still feel some loss for this. Because some loss has happened to a person, to a soul, to someone’s respect and to someone’s trust. Also I have a feeling that may be she is taking it just too seriously and she doesn’t needs to. May be its because almost everybody feels that way.

People tend to take it so normally as nothing has happened. People don’t feel bad because they are used to of changes, yes I mean the undesired changes. They do not know the words dreams and expectations for their own self, they believe that its their duty to live up to the expectations & dreams of their surroundings and they are fine spending (did you read wasting) a life for this. Now still what is itching me here is, a strong headed, self-motivated, almost self-earned person is telling me that I pray to god for peace or to rest in peace. I did see tears in her eyes!

People who are change averse face this kind of a situation. I will be wrong to say this. I guess it happens when a self-driven person who has learned this art after too much of effort is been told to hand over the steering of life in someone else’s hands. And even then, is required to be a silent observer all through the ride.

I don’t know. I am myself trying to find out all these answers for my friend. I want her to be happy as always. She is my best friend who I always relied. I want her to be a free-spirit again.

I wish her more smiles. Amen!