Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The Culture, Contempt & Helplessness

Yesterday a quick interaction with a friend made me think hard on our discussion. I was at work, I met the deadlines and finished my days work but at the back of my mind these thoughts were on like the background music score. I had decided that I am going to blog it, once I reach home. And then from last 2-3 hours, I was thinking for the apt title, it has got to convey the message or at least trigger the visitor to read and react to it. Because its everywhere, we have all faced it but just ignored it, may be!

We were just talking about a usual boss-colleague interaction and suddenly my friend

R said: “He was flirting, girl”

Response: Let him flirt then, how it affects me

R: But tell me, does it happens with all girls out there?

Response: Depends if the boss is like that, you get to realize that he/she is flirting

R: But I sometimes wonder, in sometime even I will marry a girl who will be a working professional by all ways, will she be facing the similar things? I wonder….huh

Response: Well might be, but that’s completely fine till the girl can handle such things, stays dignified and confident. I think nothing can go wrong that ways. And in extreme cases, one always chooses to quit.

R: But you know, we men especially Indians, know about the world out there, and feel helpless at times. Basically we want to protect our partner from all such things but then why to take the liberty to work from someone who is not at all wrong.

Response: Till the time one is confident about his/her partner, I don’t see a reason to feel contempt about this, because else one will have to change the world which is not as easy as said.

Well, on this note…….we could reach on a conclusion that what we are discussing exists, needs to be corrected or not – I am not so sure about that, but there is absolutely no need to feel helpless about it. I realized that it’s our culture and the values, we have grown up with, the contempt because we would love to be righteous which we know is practically not feasible and helplessness, because we let our self feel helpless for the entire thing, despite knowing the fact that we shall not let this affect us.

I don’t know if I have conveyed the concern rightly but it kept on hovering over my head, that if it is actually a feeling that raise contempt in the minds of Indian men. I don’t see any such thing, because its everywhere. And I believe a girl who takes a stand to move out in that world is well aware, careful and all set.

As for those who feel contempt and helpless, I have a saying I took from R only,

“We cannot direct the wind... but we can adjust the sails.” And I am wondering, we can try to fight them at least!!!


Ellen said...

You are correct in saying that it happens everywhere. 'flirting' occurs among men and women in any possible setting when both are so inclined to engage in it... regardless of race, culture, or creed. But with persons of strong morals and high values this is the least of their problems. lol

With married couples the issue is non-existent when the marriage is built on the strong foundation of respect, trust, and love.

Understanding these then will help one to understand the whys of the matter. It falls down to morals and the values of a person.

One should not fall into the trap of feeling contempt for the wrong of others. Nor be quick to judge somebody else's wrongdoing. Nobody is infallible in that respect, one could fall into the same case or situation of flirtation with another (willingly or not) at some point... or commit some wrongdoing... or make mistake that would be costly in the long run. 'Tis better to try at best to understand --looking beyond the person but to the reason or motivation behind the act. Behind every effect is a possible cause. What then causes a man or woman to flirt with another?

Having gained the proper knowledge and understanding of the issue, one then need not feel 'helpless' when posed with such a situation. But rather would know what to think, say, or do decisively and promptly.

Armed with these and to quote you -- “We cannot direct the wind... but we can adjust the sails” -- we gain the power to deal with it wisely intelligently smartly.

Blessings to you and your family.

skj said...

Hi boss,
ita really nice post. Makes people to really think. And the quote;
“We cannot direct the wind... but we can adjust the sails”
is the life.

Naserke said...

good one...

Vamsi said...

@ jigyasa,
it is a fact that people often flirt with others. also there may be various reasons for doing so.
its really unfortunate that such things happen.
i guess it should not cross the lakshman rekha. as long as people involved in it take it lightly, it should not worry.
problem arises when the rekha gets crossed.

Sensitive:-) Jigyasa said...

@ Ellen

Pleasure to see you around. Yes, strong morals & high values leave a person untouched in these circumstances.

Thanks for the review.Infact, it seems you have elaborated my say in a better way.

Keep Smiling & Take care.


Welcome to my space :-)

Nice to know an skj as all we could hear is SRK. Its nice to know that you liked my post.

Keep visiting. Keep Smiling

vijay said...

hie Jigyasa,

i suppose in 2days world, its very common. so long as its harmless, its fun & OK. met a few women myself who say they like 2 flirt , harmlesly tho', kind of gud 4 the ego :)
what i feel in the indian context, in the last one generation, girls/women have taken very large strides in society, - from behind the purdah to equality wid men - this change the indian male still finds 2 hard 2 accept, having seen his mom/dads relations.

so it will take some time 4 the indian male 2 adept 2 this situation, flirting remaining as it is :)


Sensitive:-) Jigyasa said...

@ Naserke

Thanks for the visit. I am glad that you liked the post.

@ Vamsi

You said, that there may be various reasons for doing so....intriguing!! Yes, very right that it should not cross the line...but then everybody defines his/her own lines.....

Do you think thrz a catch??

Sensitive:-) Jigyasa said...

@ VS

Yeah I agree that its kinda giant leap that Indian women have taken in last 2 decades..... but isnt that a problem as a Man expects his family women to be true to certain parameters and has an indifferent view for the outsiders....I am not pin-pointing any specific event but I guess this prevails!!!

Apart from this, I completely agree that it will take time everyone to accept the changes in society.....and yes its fine till its harmless or like Vamsi says, untill one cross the lakshaman rekha......

Have a good day. Keep Smiling!!