Anger – The Depressing Act!

Anger – a painful feeling. A disheartening act, a fit of rage, a dismal memory and the unforgetting moments!

I have been writing about Anger & Anger Management. Why it came again here is because yesterday I witnessed a roadside argument & fight for the first time. I am disturbed post that. Neither could I take it out and nor am I ready to accept the fact that it just happened and this is the way it happens. It was disastrous for me, the abuse, and the indecency & of course the crowd who was there to watch. I am thankful to them who actually came forward to help the arguing parties sort it out peacefully.

Horrendous it was, I felt shocked and realized that I can’t bear any form of violence. I could almost feel the shiver for next 4 hours and was wondering – what must have gone wrong with those who were involved. The similar adrenaline rush was there when I had seen a car speeding so much & ignoring a child who just survived. I did shared that too..here.

I feel so shallow of being human. Cheapest of all as it turns to be is human capital. Its shameful & shocking both.

Yes, its human to get angry but can't we just take an oath to control it as much as we can.

Faith & Confidence

A Man Lost Everything in Fire, Next day he placed a Signboard-"House, Shop burnt, Goods burnt" But Faith & Confidence not burnt,Business Starts Tomorrow...

A friend to talk……an ease to life’s walk :)

Though we are all running too fast in life but then…….for lighter moments we all had with our F.R.I.E.N.D.S, I am posting it...

Nothing serious but I have been feeling like having a cup of coffee with a friend. May be for detoxification but its very much required. After marriage, it so happened that I could never stay at a city where one of my closest friend was around and this I feel would have sorted so many issues with just a coffee or shopping – had she been around.

There are so many things that we need to share, talk or for that matter puke out to someone to feel relief. Yes, our closest ones are always around – hubby, mom-dad, sister, brother etc but a friend is a friend. At times when a friend is not around we end up blabbering things to a wrong fellow which is neither good nor suggested.

Though technology has made things easier – we have phones/mobiles/internet etc but still a cozy chat with a friend is a stress buster and nothing can beat it.

Shriti – my friend from my MBA Days had just called and I feel nice right now. Infact the thought to write this, cropped after we ended the call. She too was like – had we been in one city atleast we could have walked out for shopping, a movie, a lunch or for that matter just a walk together. Ah! I wish. Another one of that kind I have is Sunalini, she too stays in a different city but then, we had moved out for professional commitments. Though chances to meet her are little more frequent but then at times during those blank moments – I wish we had been in the same city.

And now after you get married………enter a family life, work for both roles, its kind of difficult to make new friends. Even if we make one – I guess it would be difficult to reach that kind of a comfort level.(Though for me it happened, I met Sunalini in the new city & new company I had joined after I got married). Still it seems little difficult to me. I wish I had a friend around – always!

Independent India - Independent Indians!

‘Azaadi Mann ki’ is what I feel for on the 63rd Independence Day of my country. Have been wondering by myself….since all the TV Channels have been intriguing – What is freedom for us. The country which is known for its diversity & youth (as we have the maximum young population) is suffering from social evils in one form or the other. Every age group, each geography, all religions are busy fighting their own battles. So does that mean – we need the independence from the evil shackles of diversity? May be!

In one go – I thought we still need to fight for Independence! We shall fight for –

Independence from Corruption
Independence from Fear – of traveling publicly
Independence from Honor Killings
Independence from Child Labor
Independence from Women Exploitation
Independence from Poverty
Independence from Terrorism

Independence from Inhibitions – Azaadi to be ‘ME’

While thinking of my own self, my opinion – I think we need to be independent from our inhibitions. I wish I could. Deep inside when we are aware of something, that thing which our heart, our mind doesn’t concents for and we keep doing. All of us have said that’s life – sometime or the other but how many actually thought of confronting the wrongs in life leaving aside the attitude of self-righteousness. Confronting doesn’t mean fighting for it but atleast showing the courage to face it as it is and not just ignoring the dwelling fact.

Next could be ‘Azaadi jeene ki’, Independence to live the way one wants. That doesn’t mean adopting false practices too but atleast living the way of life one wants to live with. Society by n large plays a role in devising what life we want & how we want to lead. I would beg to differ here…and would request for a little more air to our minds which resist thinking just because its other to the Do’s and Don’ts. Can we have some air please?

And also ‘Azaadi Sapno ki – Khwahishon ki’, yes Independence to Dream & Aspire is important. Infact very important. For dreams add fire to life. Aspirations are like air to the wings and help you fly high.

Most Importantly, ‘Azaadi to be ME’. Yes. Yes. Yes. This is what everyone wants, each of us crave for. This does not mean not be told anything (like the difference between wrong & right)– but atleast not be forced to be like others. To be like the way your spouse wants you to be. To be like the neighbors kid who got into the merit list. To be someone whom world admires. To be a cricketer because its happening. To be someone who does things in his/her own way. But just to be one. Azaadi to be ‘ME’

As for today, Happy Independence Day! Chak De India...

Empty Head!!

I have a kind of empty mind. Or I need one? All I feel like is to relax but if I will relax who will work my dreams. I have a smile…..which come with difficulty and is accompanied by a frown. I have plans and I have counter plans. I want this and I need to think to that too. I have absolutely no confusions but I am indecisive. I am missing home but don’t feel like staying there for long. I want a holiday but I am worried about fetching some new projects in the coming month? I am right now chatting with two of my friends, feel like having coffee in the balcony which is right now witnessing the pleasant weather. But I guess I shall go and take a nap…I feel a little tired.

In all – I want to do too many things and I don’t feel like doing anything at all. I am lost with the list of to do things and I feel like getting lost in the rain. I feel like getting rejuvenated and get going but I guess I shall take a break & travel. I am set to fulfill my ambitions, lord! Why can’t I just be your happy-go-lucky creation?

Still there is some space to breathe when I go back to the drafts in my mobile & read:
“Your sacred space is where you can find yourself again and again”

– Jospeh Campbell.

I am off to look for that space now!! My peaceful space……btw its raining outside!

Hopeless Dream!

I have a hopeless dream – hopeless because I live in the country where my dream has got no credibility to it. It’s wrong, hypothetical and may be too imaginary. My dream is all about respect, all about trust, it’s about equality being followed & practiced. It’s about empowerment too.

It’s about giving wings. It’s about giving space. I dream about peace. It needs to change the definition of love &marriage. It shall mean not to demean the other half. It’s about controlling anger. It’s about sharing with equal rights. It’s about women & their condition. It’s about the hopelessness of parents on the name of social status. I dream about a girl being heard and spared an ear for. I dream that ‘adjustment’ shall not be the only word left for a married women in lieu of her love.

She shall be blamed & cursed when she is actually at fault but not just for the false ‘ego’. She shall be respected for her own dreams & aspirations. Her worth shall not be all about the faults & her weaknesses. She should be allowed to survive with a little individuality.

It’s such a hopeless dream. But I am writing for a hope against all hopes.

I Lost My Space - A Free-spirit's letter to me!

A deep breath is what I started this post with. A deep breath – helps me realize I still have some breathing space….some space at free-spirit to share and have my room too. Where I won’t be adjudged for being someone’s someone and the linkages thereafter.

Acceptance matters. I truly feel and have realized it many times before – that I have lost my space. And the best way to a good life – of course I mean peaceful life is to accept the fact of being a lone survivor in someone else’s place. Acceptance makes life easy, peaceful and beautiful. When there is no acceptance there is no peace.

Expectations kill. Yes, I do agree but my inner self always believed in expecting from self. And that always if followed by Self-belief. The self motivated me breaks down & gather herself to fight the battles of life. Professionally – I never had a problem. I was just able to tackle situations & people with efficacy.

Though on personal front – many a times, I got the feeling of being a complete failure. When I see around, I felt being trapped on a lonely island where no one can listen to you, see you, talk to you – forget about understanding you. I have everyone around still I have a fighting feeling of dejection & loneliness. I feel being the extra one. Called only when required, but the extra one is expected to be ready always. What a Pity! At times I think. I am a strong, happy, full of life – person. Did I say – I am? I was sounds more apt now. For now I have been constantly under pressure of someone’s expectation, social pressures and of being a good everything. That someone could be anyone as close as in family or as far as a business associate. There is no gratification left towards life. It’s just like a drummer on stage….need to beat it loud for others watching him. And no one cares – whether he loves what he is playing or not.

I thought of it as a problem. Yeah, being too practical & sensitive I did think that I should be checked but then I know the problems, I shall sort them out. And the bigger reason is - no one else even thinks there is a problem at all. It’s just my over-sensitivity, my immaturity, my selfishness and me being too ambitious.

A Devastate. More and more times I am being told – what a devastate I am. I have the capabilities to make others feel bad; dishonor them, not to accept their ways of life. But what worries me here is – Am I the only to accept here. Is anyone trying to accept me & my dreams here?

I am not Water. I wanted to say one thing. I am not water so I cannot immediately take the shape of its container. I am human. I did had 2 phases of life before this 3rd one, at home and second at the hostel. I am something. I am a free-spirit and I will take time in forgetting about that. Why am I supposed to leave my own self aside and be someone else that I am not?

I need to be cared. I have an urged to be cared for. Someone who shall stand by me always even at times if its for Social reasons. My mom – shall understand & talk to me like she used to do earlier. And not just about the new identity & its do’s & don’ts.

I shall be given my space. I need my space to dream big, to follow my heart, to believe in myself. My space to cry, smile, breathe and to live.